theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
