I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
