we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
