Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
