Will you blow on my dice?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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