Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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