I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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