Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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