the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
