New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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