i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
