Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
