Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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