I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
