you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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