I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
