Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My hand turned me down
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
