We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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