the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
