i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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