I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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