Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
