oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
