i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
