I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
