There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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