Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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