But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
