I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
be right there i have to get my cape
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
