did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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