Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
