Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
