I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
