i may or may not be watching the land before time
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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