I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
