im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
