Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
