once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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