He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
