if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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