I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
