I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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