Your dad touched me again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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