I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
