Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
