he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
