Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
