We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
