Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
