Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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